It Will Always Be You (You Series Book 1) by Tina Ness

Author:Tina Ness [Ness, Tina]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2014-10-25T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter 17

I could swear I see him wipe a tear from his eye before he drives away. I reluctantly let him go, afraid this new, unstable side of me might hurt him further. I feel weak. I am weak for letting what happened to me ruin my life. Knowing how much worse it could have been, I should be thankful I wasn’t raped, taken, or even killed, but here I am, being a selfish lunatic, thinking only of myself. After all that Marshall has been through, here I go blaming him for helping his sister and leaving me. It’s not his fault. He’s better off without me. I spend the remainder of my day in bed, and my tears don’t subside until my pounding headache forces me to sleep.

***

Saturday, June 12

I awaken with accelerated breath. My T-shirt clings to every inch it covers, damp with sweat. The matted strands of red hair that cling to my neck make me choke as the dream comes back to me in full force.

A set of hands are wound tightly around my neck. The crushing pressure on my windpipe makes my throat burn and my eyes sting. I’m willing to fight, but my hands won’t move. Those cold, beady eyes stare down at me, laughing over and over as they did during my dream at the hospital. This time, the real panic sets in when I realize I’m unable to move. I can’t feel my body. It’s almost like I’m nothing but a head. I can’t blink; my eyes are focused on the bright sky that’s getting increasingly brighter until, all at once, it becomes a blur. His words are muffled, but I can still hear them: “Hey there, Firecracker. Remember how I told you you’d pay?” I think I’m dying, or is it that I’m already dead?

The heat I had felt only moments ago turns to chill. I wrap myself up in my comforter and cover my head. My body convulses as though I’m crying, but tears do not come. I’m dried up, tapped out, and all alone. I need someone to hold me. I need Marshall to hold me. I feel safe in his arms. I’m pathetic for feeling like I need him so much, for feeling like nothing will ever be the same for me since the first time he held me, for thinking he is the puzzle piece that has been missing all of my life. I have always felt an emptiness within me, and never until Marshall have I ever felt like that emptiness could be filled, but here I am, alone, deservedly so. My pain and my burdens I must carry myself. I’m letting a little thing like some bumps and bruises take me down. I’m weak and pitiful. I’m not even worthy of love.

After a warm shower and a cup of coffee, I’m as prepared as I can be for Mom and Rose when they come over with lunch. I did my best to cover the dark circles under my eyes and iced my swollen eyelids until they hurt.

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